One year that some of us have been working from home. One year that we haven't been able to hug our loved ones. One year that some kids have not had in person instruction. One year that some business' closed thinking they were going to reopen but never did.
We have been through a multitude of changes, emotions and thoughts over this past year. We have implemented new ways of living and communicating and working. Life as we knew if changed this past year. We have made it through this year- maybe not in ways we thought but we made it. We have lost loved ones in the process and that weighs heavily on those families and others. Losing a loved one is already terrible but adding the restrictions of quarantine, it makes it even more worse. My heart hurts for all those who lost someone during the past year and couldn't be with them.
Among the already hard to process year, there were other things happening that made it even harder. Acts of racism, weather emergencies and a hotly contested election were all mixed into the mess. Watching the news became overwhelming. The mayhem of 2020 didn't stop when the clock hit midnight on December 31, 2020 and we all rang in 2021. January was even more of a mess and to be honest, it made me really sad to see the United States to be falling apart, a little more each month.
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I use my daily planner as a journal. I went back to March 2020 to read what I was feeling and during that time. I am so glad that I kept a pretty good account of what I was feeling during this uncertain time.
These are some of the words that kept re-occurring from the first 40 days in quarantine:
"hopeless" "anxious" "distracted" "stressful" "confused" "messy" "emotional" "weird mood" "worried" "lonely" "drained"
From what I have read and what I have heard from friends, they all had the same feelings. I didn't feel so alone. During the first 40 days, I was a mess and terrified and still working in office. We had a schedule that had only half of the office working at a time. We did that for a month and then we went back to normal- all hands on deck right after Mothers Day. Looking back, I was so thankful for normalcy of working in an office during those early months. Was it weird? absolutely. Was it scary? yes. Did I worry I was going to get sick or worse, get my parents sick? YES! I ended up being a contact of a contact a few times.
The state continued to work at home throughout most of the year and some days, I was mad that I couldn't work at home. After speaking to multiple different people and having them say how jealous they were that I was actually in the office, I felt better about working in office all the time.
It seemed as we headed into May, I was feeling better about this new normal we were in. I was regularly taking walks around the neighborhood and I started to walk in Ocean Gate. I felt comfortable enough being around others outside and most importantly, my heart wasn't racing ALL the time; just some of the time.
Early on, I tried to read more books since I had the time. It just wasn't working. I couldn't concentrate and nothing seemed interesting to me. I started binge watching different things- Survivor, Greek- and watching movies. I felt like a bum, but I was trying to give myself grace. By August the book bug
From June to September, I had 11 paddle board sessions on the creek with Adrienne. I enjoyed that so much and to tell you the truth, it seemed like things were normal, if only for those couple of hours on the water. I was so excited about paddle boarding, I bought my own paddle board during Body Glove's black Friday sale.
I hoped and prayed that by the fall things would get back to normal but they didn't. As we approached the winter, things didn't look better. In the summer and fall, outdoor eating was allowed but I did not feel comfortable yet to try that.
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