Crohn's Confidential: Humira Update

Welcome back to a bonus post of Crohn's Confidential! I am excited to share this with you!

Two years ago today,  I started Humira.  

I was NERVOUS and WORRIED. I was so sick at that time and I wanted to feel better so badly. Up to this point I had failed so many different medicines and I did not have much hope in this new one. I had just failed Stelara - which I detested so much. It was very painful for me and I never felt as if it worked. I was desperate at this point to feel better when my doctor suggested Humira. 

I had already been on Remicade 2 years before and that caused more problems then it solved. Humira and Remicade are both TNF inhibitors and I was worried since I had failed Remicade before, Humira wouldn't work. I knew I had to try something and  my options were getting more limited. I decided to try this. I knew this was a self injectable and I had literally NO idea how I was going to give myself these shots. I prayed a lot of strength to do this because I knew this might or might not be the one to actually help me  

That first night, October 7, 2018, I sat in the bathroom after my shower with the two loading doses on the counter, thinking to myself, “ okay gab, you can do this. This is going to help you “ I mustered up some courage, turned on my favorite uplifting song at the moment- Joy by FOR KING AND COUNTY and followed the steps from the Humira app. I said a quick prayer and went for it. Did it hurt that first night, yes and no. I think the shock of the pen clicking me scared me more than the actual shot. One done I thought and I moved on to the last one thinking positive thoughts. It was over quickly and after I realized that I did actually complete it, I started to cry. They were both happy and sad tears  I was happy that I did it and I was brave but I was sad that this might be my last option. I cleaned myself up and then I went on with my night. I prayed some more that night, hoping this was going to be the miracle I needed.

As the weeks wore on, I gave myself the injection every other week. After a while, it became easy for me to do this. Was it sometimes painful, yes but I knew somehow it was going to work. I was on it for 6 months when I had the surgery and I had to stop taking it. I had no idea when and if I was going to go back on it after the surgery. Through these weeks of worry and not feeling well, I prayed that something would change. 

The surgery was a success but it was a long recovery for me. I finally went back on Humira in the middle of June and by July, I somehow missed a dose. I was miserable again and very worried. I prayed and through an unusual (but favorable) turn of events, by the end of August, all my problems with my stomach were gone. My doctor couldn't explain it, I surely couldn't explain it but slowly but surely, I started to feel better each day.  I was cautiously optimistic about this good feeling and yet somehow there I was one year in on Humira and I wasn't slowing down. I was consistently feeling amazing. 

In January of this year, I had another colonoscopy and it was perfect. We were all in shock- Humira is really working and the surgery really did help. I saw my doctor recently and he is just as amazed as I am (and my family too) that I have been feeling as good as I have been. Its like we finally found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The most awesome part- he doesn't want to see me for a WHOLE YEAR! How is that possible?! I was actually sad when he said this, I enjoy seeing him and getting to catch up on life. A year seems too long but it is very welcomed.

If I could go back to 6 years ago and let 26 year old Gabrielle know, that things do get better- they might get a whole lot worse before they truly do get better but there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and  you ae going to learn a lot about yourself through this whole process. 

I know for most people, good health is something they don't even think about but I give praise everyday that I am able to wake up and feel a sense of excitement and feel physically good because there were so many days (sometimes months) on my journey that I woke up feeling absolutely terrible. There wasn't anything I could do about it; I had to get up, get dressed and show up because I had accepted this was my life- feeling sick and not having any answers. 

Today, I am doing AMAZING- I say this as I hold my breath because I am very thankful for my good health but I am also cautious knowing it could change any day. I will take ALL.THE.GOOD days while I can and if I have a few bumps along the way, I know I can handle it. 

If you are going through a rough patch right now- take a deep breath and know that things will get better, it will take time and you will be back to what you are accustom to. Better days are ahead. You can keep your head down but keep your eyes up- always looking forward. #Hdeu
YOU GOT THIS!

[[You don't know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.]]

-gabrielle

PS. Did you miss any of my past Crohn's Confidential Posts? See below for the posts.

My Crohn's Disease Journey
My Support Team and How They Help Me
Surgery Before and After
Surgery Recovery After Surgery
World IBD Day
Dealing with Questions and Comments
What I've Learned From Crohn's Disease
Resources