Wonder Grace Joy: 20 Years of Missing You

Grandma,

I have been missing you for the last 20 years. TWENTY YEARS. How is that even possible?!

I was 14 when you left and now at 34, I miss you more than ever. You have missed so many important moments in my life, here are some of the highlights over the past 20 years....

I was in a Parade in Walt Disney World with the Marching Band.
I had a great Sweet 16 party at our favorite place, The Old Time Tavern.
I went to all the homecomings, dances and Prom in High School.
I received so many scholarships for college.
I graduated High School.
I went to two different colleges.
I turned 21.
I started working at various part time jobs- the library, Victoria Secret's, Martell's Tiki Bar.
I interned with a Senator.
I interned at my current job.
I graduated college.
I started my full time job at 23.
I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease.
I turned 25 and had a great 25th birthday party.
I found love.
I had a great 30th birthday party.
I almost got married.
I stood up for myself and protected my heart many times.
I celebrated 10+ years working.
I brought cars.
I went on vacations.
I fell in and out of love many times.
I celebrated all the holidays.
I went to concerts.
I've lived life to the fullest to this point- full of joy and laughter and love.

Mommy gave me the letter you wrote me back in 1996, earlier this year. I found your letter so interesting that not only was I your sunshine but I have become the sunshine in so many other people's lives. That is something I will forever treasure. It's in a safe place, I promise. It's actually in my jewelry drawer. I have all of your costume jewelry that I wear often. Your pieces are some of my very favorites I own. I love wearing different pieces and sometimes, even after all these years, I can still smell you when I open up that drawer. I love finding old photos of you wearing the same jewelry I continue to wear today.

I have been wearing your Christmas tree pin lately and I've gotten so many compliments on it.

The year I realized that I lived longer without you then I lived with you, was really hard. Actually, each year is really hard realizing you are not here. There has been so many changes in the world and I know some of the changes you would have absolutely loved. Like reality TV. You would have just loved the Bachelorette- all those hunky men. Remember when we used to watch Baywatch and CHiPS?

You would have loved emojis, gifs and silly videos on Youtube. I could see you texting in your own shorthand, just like mommy does. I can see you being feisty and full of laughter. Don't worry, Mommy has the feisty part down pat.

Every time I see a yarn pom-pom, it instantly transports me back to your house, to the living room and me going through that plastic bag of yarn picking out the perfect color to make yet another yarn pom pom. I loved doing that with you! Yet, I cannot remember for the life of me how to crochet. I've tried and tried and yet I always end up with a big knot.. I have one of your crochet hooks in my nightstand (I found it by accident the other night) and it brought such a smile to my face.

I still love perogies and all food for that matter. I love that I am 1/4 part Ukrainian and that is from you. I love talking about you and sharing all the goodness I remember. When I randomly find Pokeno, in a store, I remember all those times we spent playing. You taught me what all the shapes on the cards are.

While I am on a roll, I guess this is good as time as any to admit to you that I was the reason you had ants ALL.THE.TIME. in that little bathroom by the kitchen. I used to eat the sugar out of the sugar jars.... probably not my brightest or proudest moment but I told Mommy that years ago and she revealed that you always had ants in that bathroom but couldn't figure out why. OOPS! Sorry!

I miss your house on Leeward Drive. I miss seeing you and Chico and Grandpa there. I remember that layout of the house like I was there yesterday. There are so many memories I have from our time together. I hope you Grandpa and Chico are having the best time in Heaven.