Eight years ago, I was 27 and pretty healthy.
On November 9, 2014, I woke up with killer cramps at 4 AM. I had NO idea what they were and I seriously thought it was that time of the month for me. These cramps intensified SO QUICKLY that it got to the point, I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, nothing helped. I didn't understand what was going on. I knew my mom would be up soon since she was an earlier riser.
I was pacing holding my side, trying to figure out what was going on. When my mom came in, to my mom's surprise (and my surprise), I said " I think I need to go to the hospital." She saw how much pain I was in and she jumped into action, getting dressed and getting ready to go to the hospital. I was still pacing and worrying. Never in a million years, those words, I need to go to the hospital, would ever come out of my mouth. I avoided that place like the plague. Deep down, I knew something was seriously wrong.
I remember very little about the ride to the hospital and waiting in the emergency room. What I do remember is the emergency room being pretty empty (for 8 AM on a Sunday morning) and I was seen pretty quickly. The nurse that took care of me was very nice and I was ushered into a room pretty quick.
Again, things are pretty fuzzy, but I do remember the doctor coming in and pushing on my stomach and I yelped, LOUDLY! It was so painful. He then asked me, where I felt the pain. "I don't know!" He did it again asking me to pay attention to where the pain was coming from. I tried my hardest and it seemed to be coming from the lower right side of my stomach. He then proceeded to ask me what my favorite food was. I replied "Pasta" and then his follow up question was, 'if that was in front of you right now, would you want to eat it?' My response surprised me then and even now "nope!"
"You have appendicitis. You need surgery." What?!
They had given me pain medicine to ease the pain that was raging through me and some anti-nausea medicine too. I slept on and off and my parents waited by my bedside all day. I don't remember what I was thinking during this time, but if i had to guess, it was probably something like 'why is this happening? Did I do something wrong? Where is the surgeon?'
It wasn't until 6 PM, they said the surgeon finally arrived and I was prepped to go into surgery. They said it would be about 45 minutes. I remember distinctly thinking, 'Oh that's great, I'll be back in time to watch Bob's Burgers.' This thought still makes me laugh and honestly, I had no idea what was ahead for me.
Well, fast forward to about 8 PM, I was in the recovery room and everything was blurry. I didn't have my glasses on and I was exhausted. I think I asked the nurse, if I missed Bob's Burgers. For some reason, I was very concerned about that show. My parents were allowed to come back to the recovery room because surprise, no one else was in there, being 8 PM on a Sunday night. They were taken aback by the look of me, my mom described it as if I was grey. I didn't look good at all.
They were happy I was out of surgery but super concerned why I had a grey color. I was transferred up to a room around 9 PM. I remember kicking the covers off and sticking my foot out. I was so hot from being bundled up. I remember tilting my head to look at my foot sticking out and I asked my mom "why are my toes black?" She responded, "Oh, that's from the surgery" and I said "okay." and didn't question it.
The next morning, I remember waking up, in a strange place and not immediately remembering what happened. I tried to look at the time on my phone, but couldn't figure out how to turn it on. I had just gotten a new phone a few days earlier I was still figuring it out. Once I looked around my room with my glasses on, I remembered everything- I had emergency surgery the night before. I was laying on my back and they brought me breakfast. The tray table up so high with my food, I remember reaching up with my hand, trying to figure out what was on this tray. My hand barely reached the tray, and I thought I found a little container of juice. Success, I thought. I couldn't find the straw though. No Success. To this day, I don't know why I didn't ask for help; clearly I was having trouble.
My parents came a little while later and they explained that I had a gangrenous, ruptured appendix and it was a mess, basically. When I asked my mom the night before why my toes were black, that was from the gangrene, I later pieced together. This was VERY serious and the start of a HUGE mess for me. I was very out of it and a few days later, I was able to go home. The four-day hospital stay was a mess. I had nightmare-ish roommates, I switched rooms three times and the pain I was feeling was just as bad as it was before my appendix burst. I was so sick, I was in so much pain and I just wanted to not do this anymore. I was upset because I didn't cause this at all, it just happened.
I do remember I was having a particularly rough night, the nurse gave me this hot pack to put on my stomach to help soothe the pain. I didn't know what was happening and to distract myself, I started singing children's lullabies. Absolutely no idea why that was the only songs I was able to remember but it was. At least it distracted me.
I was re-admitted back to the hospital for an overnight observation a week later due to a high fever. This was a big warning sign especially after surgery. I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.
I went home and was still super sick. Luckily the grey coloring had gone away and I thought I was on the mend or so I thought.
The next month, I spent at home trying to recover. I kept hitting roadblocks and the frustration was starting to grow more and more. I had little appetite, I didn't want to do anything, and I wasn't sleeping. By the beginning of December, I was basically begging the doctor to let me go back to work. I needed normalcy but I wasn't sleeping, I was skinny as a rail (due to not eating) and my incision wasn't closing. I was given the green light to go back to work but it was a struggle.
My parents drove me to work each day, my mom walked me up to the office each day, carrying my purse because it was so heavy for me to lift and then they came and picked me up. During the work day, I would waddle around and try to look alive. I would be completely exhausted by the end of the day and that repeated itself through the end of the year and in the beginning of January.
My incision didn't close until March and the surgeon I kept going back to for check ups didn't seem too concerned about it or how I was feeling. I was heartbroken, I thought doctors were supposed to be caring. This recovery was the worst. I didn't have any answers why this happened and no other doctor wanted to touch this. I was very upset and sad.
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I will always remember these days and look back on a time where I didn't think I was going to make it. I cried so many times during this time period and I continued to wonder if I would ever get better; would there be a day that I would feel better? I had no idea.
I spent a lot of those recovery days, praying and hoping for the best. I spent a lot of time watching The Food Network, especially on the days when I did not have an appetite. Weird, yes but I think it also gave me something to think about instead of thinking about how terrible I felt.
My appendix bursting lead me down a long road of doctors and diagnosis' that I never would have expected. I was having mild stomach issues before this episode but I never expected it turn out this way. This was the very beginning of my journey with Crohn's Disease.
I am happy to report now that my incision has healed and while its not the prettiest thing, it's a daily reminder that, life can change so quickly, without notice. The incision over the years has also shrunk from 6 inches to about 3 inches.
I am thankful for this weird and windy journey because it has taught me a lot and I don't think I would be the person I am today.
[[Tough situations build strong people in the end.]]
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