faith

4/20/20 I reached a point last week where I had given up all hope. I was frustrated and completely overwhelmed. I started my devotional and ive been consistent with it and reading the corresponding verse and writing my thoughts about it.  I started a prayer journal basically writing out my prayers and asking for help. Writing my prayers out seems to be easier than saying them so I pour my heart out to him- its extremely self centered and focused on only me.  Its hard to write out what is in my mind. but today, I felt as if my prayers were answered in part. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for most of the month and today, I woke up happy. yes you read that right,  I was truly happy for once. I didn't dread getting up, I didn't worry about what was going to happen today; I was excited to get up and get dressed and go into work.  another crazy thing happened.  my heart rate always speeds up with I am going into work- like super quick like I just ran a marathon. Today as I put my mask and gloves on, I took a couple of deep breaths and got out of my car, calmly walked into work, and went to my office. I got settled and my heart rate quickly settled back to normal. I noticed it pretty quickly and was pretty shocked. I was productive and focused. I got things done without too much trouble and I caught myself smiling a few times. Tonights devotional was about hope and how even the hopeless have hope.  One part of the verse to read tonight was the one I've had as the background of my phone for year "be truly glad, there is wonderful joy ahead even though you have had to endure many trials for a while" I feel like God speaks to you when you listen. He throws you little pebbles to get you to listen and if you don't he throws bigger stones and etc. I take this as a sign that he heard my prayers and is showing me that I am going to get through this.