500th post!!!!
This first section was written on February 8, 2021. I was deep into my single season and was very content with being single. A few months after I wrote this first part, I jumped back into the dating world again. I think what I wrote below is a true and honest representation of what I was feeling when I was single.
I have thought about this post for a while and I think this is important to talk about- being content in your single season. I think this is the first time in a verrry long time that I have been just content where my life is going. I am not looking (too much) into the future but I am also not looking backwards. I am happy where I am and what I am doing.
I think I have to thank in part for this season of contentedness is COVID. Weird, I know but this mess has made me 100% rethink everything I have normally done. Some things I miss like going out to dinner and people watching for hours but somethings have been a blessing in disguise like I've stopped going to Target/ TJ Maxx/Home Goods and spending money on crap that I don't need and basically waste money. My savings account is very happy about that fact.
Back to being single, this is the longest I have not been in a relationship, dating or even looking in a very long time. Its embarrassing to think about the last time I was single this long. I was always the girl with a date or a boyfriend or in a relationship and you know what, I can think back, I wasn't always happy. I would say I was happy and act happy but I thought that was what was expected; you date, you get engaged and married and live happily ever after at 24. Welp! I was wrong about that.
After a relationship after relationship and one engagement ended, for a long time I thought something was wrong with me. Why did these relationships end? Where did it go wrong that my engagement was ended? I had all these questions and more circle around my mind for months/years. After a while they would fade away and I would forget about them.
I don't remember specifically when I stopped blaming myself for these things that happened but I started to look at them as a blessing in disguise. They ended because something was telling me that they were not right. I might have ignored those signs for longer than I should but I think everything that has happened, has lead me to this point of contentment and realization.
As we approach Valentine's Day, I am consistently reminded that I do not have a significant other and I am 100% okay with that. It has taken me a long time to be comfortable saying that and to get to a point where I don't even want to entertain the idea of a relationship.
Its funny, when I was younger, I felt like being in a relationship was EVERYTHING and reading my old Xanga entries from 2004, that is everything that I complained about- not being in a relationship. As I have gotten older, relationships has become more of a thing that was expected.
With the pandemic happening, in the beginning, I thought to myself that I would have a great opportunity to be single for a little bit and just breathe. Then around June I got the itch to try online dating (for the 900th time) and after one not so great date, I said I'M DONE!
Inspired by Brighton Butler from Brighton the Day and Ali Rice from Simply Small Town, they both wrote about their single seasons; I want to share about my single season
Here on February 7, 2022, just about a year later after the above was written, I have been thinking about the lessons learned/things I realized when I was single and how I have brought those lessons/realizations in to my life in 2022.
Having the year and half off from dating really put things into perspective and I feel that I learned a lot about myself and about what I want/deserve in relationships. What I wrote a year ago, still rings true and it makes my heart sing that I still agree with what I wrote. While being in that season of life was difficult, I realized it is so healthy to spend time alone and this year and a half I spent single, has helped me realign my focus for what I am truly looking for in relationships. This list is not complete, I feel like it will continually evolve over the years. In no particular order, these are the lessons I have learned:
- Be patient with your life and in your current season of life
- Your life might not look exactly like you imagined it but this part of your life is important in shaping your future.
- Don't settle
- You know exactly what you want, go out there and seek what you want
- Understand not everyone likes the type of you
- You are not meant for everyone and that's okay.
- Speak up ( even if you voice trembles)
- if something is bothering you, say it. No one will know what is bothering you if you don't say it.
- Communication is KEY
- Use words, emojis, memes, gifs, smoke signals, text messages anything to get your point across.
I have thought long and hard about this post and looking back on my single season, I am happy to have gone through it and learned so much from it. I loved how this post encompassed a year of my life and the perspectives were almost the same through the year. I am proud of my single season and what I have learned. I definitely would not be the woman I am today without it.
[[Give a love a rest, between my ex, and my next, I think it's time to take a heart break, out late- Heart Break by Lady A.]]
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