Its Monday.
I had a good productive day at work- this has been something that has made me so happy- being productive. You know when you get things done, and you feel like you are really doing something with your life?! That was today for me. FINALLY! I have waited 8 long years for this feeling and its finally here and it feels amazing. This new position I am training for feels right- now don't get me wrong I do feel overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to learn, the whole bearing of responibiltiy over my head and the sheer fact that they are entrusting me to do this job BUT I am very excited about it too. I finally feel settled. That's a great word, I probably dub this my "settled" year. I am finally settling in at work and at home. It only took a combination of almost 10 years to feel settled when I am 31 years old but it feels good.
I have finally started painting again- yet sometime when I sit infront of a canvas with many colors and paintbrushes, I cant seem to think of anything to paint. Those nights I just pick a color, a brush and let It flow, like tonight. I have no idea what this aqua blob with a heavy purple ourline is but I painted it. I read somewhere that you need to keep working on what you enjoy to get good at it (what you think is good) and I want to make that my summer goal- feel more comfortable with painting and not be so unsure about it. what is the worst that can happen?! I don't like what I painted and I paint over it?! Tonights painting looks like a map of a lake with its walking trail. who knows.
I need to get out of my head and just do.
I don't think blake understands me sometimes. I get it- I have trouble explaining things that are abstract but
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