September 11th

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September 11, 2001. I was 13 years old. It was a beautiful sunny September day. Whoever happened to be watching TV that morning, sat in disbelief- was this real? is this really happening? 

How in the world has it been 21 years already?! 

As each year passes by, the memories and feelings surrounding this day are still the same. I am sad and shocked. I am in disbelief that this has happened and I am in disbelief that it has been so many years. 

I remember exactly where I was, just like everyone else and its not lost on me that so much has changed since then. On September 12, America was united and we came together for a common cause; everyone was working together and helping each other through this horrific time. No one cared about race, religion, sex or status, they came together because they wanted to help. 

There are so images from that day, I am pretty sure no one will forget. They are the same ones that pop up every year around this time and while those images are everywhere, I find it fascinating that new to me images are still be published. 

My dad, an Elizabeth Fire Department Captain (now Ret. Battalion Chief) was there the night of September 11th and with his trusty disposable camera, he captured some pretty raw photographs. These photographs sit in a proper photo album and have never been digitalized.  I thought about it many times to make them available to me to use but I just can't bring myself to do that. Those will remain analog  and part of history.  I will share the one photo, I share every year. I found this photo of my dad in a book a few months after September 11th. I will forever cherish it along with all the other photos we have:

Over the last 21 years, there has been a lot of documentaries, articles, photographs, podcasts and opinion pieces that have come out about September 11th. Some of them are hard to watch due to the content, the things that I chose to watch, read or listen to have been truly interesting. 

Here is an incomplete list of media about September 11th that I read and watched:

Books:

Ordinary heroes: A Memoir of 9/11 by Joseph Pfeifer

The Day The World Came to Town: 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland by Jim Defede

The Red Bandanna: A Life. A Choice. A Legacy by Tom Rinaldi

No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account of the Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden by Mark Owen

Last Man Down: A Firefighter's Story of Survival and Escape from the World Trade Center by Richard Picciotto

Documentaries: 

9/11 by Jules and Gedeon Naudet

The Red Bandanna

9/11: One Day in America

There is just so much to read, listen and to watch about September 11th, I feel like if I don't limit myself to only a few things, I will be overwhelmed. I am always on the search for something new to drink in about September 11th. This year is the book, Last Man Down, which I am currently reading. 

Over the years, I've shared my thoughts about September 11th, you can find them below:

Faith Over Fear

Where Were You When The World Stopped?

Resilient and Strong

They Save Us. Who Save Them?

I hope you spend today with loved ones and you hug everyone just a little tighter knowing that some families did not get the opportunity on the morning of September 11th. 

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I will leave you with one more photo, if you have ever listened to this voicemail, you know how heartbreaking this is. 

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[[If we learn nothing else from this tragedy, we learn that life is short and there is no time for hate- Sandy Dahl, wife of Flight 91 pilot, Jason Dahl]]

They Save Us. Who Saves Them?

( this first part of this post was written on August 18th after an episode of Rescue Me. )

Every Wednesday, I try to watch Rescue Me. If you havent see it, its a show (fitictious) about the FDNY and their day to day lives working as firefighters. Now this show has been on tv for 7 seasons and I have tried to watch them all and sometimes, it was hard to watch the episodes due to the raw content, and not because there were scenes of death and bad injury but because my father is a firefighter. He has been a firefighter, Captain, Battalion Chief my whole life. He loves what he does but he rarely tells what exactly he does. Yes he would come home from his 24 hour shift, saying the funny stories from the previous shift and if he went on a run for careless cooking or someones cat was stuck in a tree but he never really told me, maybe he told my mom, the real stuff he did- running into the building first to search for surviors or other things that he didnt want to worry me with. The point is,  I never really knew what he really did.
I never fully understood what the job of a firefighter was until Rescue Me came out. This show is raw, and unforgiving and gave me an insight of what firefighters actually do. Maybe its dramatized for tv or blown out of proportion but it gave me something to see and say, oh thats what my dad does for a living.
When I was little, I remember when my dad came home, my mom and my dad would sit in the kitchen, drinking their coffee and talking about the past shift. As I got older, I sat with them sans coffee and listened. He ususally gave me the watered down version and when I got bored listening to every (boring) detail about his day, I left and then he would give my mom the real story- what really happened at 432 Smith Street or who had to go to the hospital after receiving attention at the ReHab tent at that 4 alarm last night. I got smarter and decided to listen sometimes to the stories from the hallway. Not until a couple of years ago, when I was away at college, I really started to realize the danger firefighters put themselves into.

The point of all this rambling- Last nights episode really hit me hard. Rescue Me is having their series finale on September 7th and fitting its right before the 10th Anniversey of September 11.  The Chief spoke about how heroes arent remember by making walls and monmouments (which I think is a good way of remembering heroes) but they are remembered by speaking about them, telling their stories of heroism and why they left such a lasting impression on you. The Chief spoke about the Vietnam War and how he recieved a letter from the wife of one his men that served under him. Then the Chief spoke about what those firefighters were thinking on the morning of September 11 right before they rushed downtown to do what they were trained to do-save the public. What were those brave and fearless firefighters thinking, writing letters to their loved ones that in the back of their minds they knew they would never see again?

Today is September 11th, and I still think what were those people thinking when they were calling their loved ones to say their last goodbye? What was going through their minds?  Watching the documentries and other tv programs about September 11th is like reliving that day over and over again. The huge question that looms over everyones head is "Where were you on Septemeber 11, 2001?" Everyone remember exactly where they were, who they were with and what they saw.
I was in Ms. Stankovich's 8th Grade Science Class. I was sitting at the lab table inbetween Jacob Stueber and Erin Stewart. It was right after gym class for me and someone ran into the class room and told Ms. Stankovich to put the tv on, something had happened. As she turned the TV on, we saw flames and smoke pouring out of one of the World Trade Towers. I didnt believe it, I didnt understand it then the whole class witnessed something that looked to be out of a horror movie- We saw the second plane fly right into the other Tower. I was 13 at the time and at that moment my world closed in and I remember thinking what is next?! Erin Stewart saw I was upset and said to me" why are you so worried? We are so far away from there, nothing will happen." I knew something would happen but I hoped it didnt.
When I arrived home later that day, I didnt see my dad's car in the usual spot in the drive way. My worst fear came true. My father, a Fire Captain, was in Northern NJ waiting to be deployed to help with the rescue detail at Ground Zero. My mom didnt even have to say it, I knew he was in North Jersey. I think I talked to him later that night; I was trying to be brave and strong but inside I was so worried. I don't remember exactly how long my father was gone for but I do remember him coming home. He looked like a ghost, still covered in grey dust, with a look on his face that was like no other I had ever seen. He didnt talk about what he did nor did he want to. I was happy to have him home, safe and sound.
Not till years later, has the effect of September 11th really hit me. The internet has let me have my hands on thousands of videos, personal stories, offical reports and millions of photos. The photos most of them are burned into my memory because I saw them live, and uncut. Still they all  bring tears to my eyes looking at them. One of the hardest hitting images that I cannot seem to fully understand is a video clip (recently I saw it in 102 minutes that changed America) that you see the smoke from the collpase of one of the towers and you see a fire truck, filled with firefighters speeding into the unknown and you see them dissappear into the dust and smoke and you know that they were probably never seen again.
After watching a documentary entitled "9/11", it gave me a chilling look into the lives of firefighters who were practically the first responders to the scene. They filmed when the first tower fell and what happend afterwards and it was unconcievable that these firefighters were still living. It was an inspring look into the lives of firefighter and how they are trained to do exactly what they did on September 11th- rescue people.That is what firefighters do. That is their lively hood.

America is resilient, strong and proud. We got through this and we can get through anything else.