Wake Up Call

As we approach the end of the year, like most of you, I am taking inventory in the past year and doing some reflecting on what happened this year. This is the first of many posts where I reflect on 2023 as a whole and explore what went on, what my favorite parts were, what my take aways were and what I hope for 2024. 
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I feel that A LOT of what happened in 2023, I wasn't expecting and I've had a lot of wake up calls  that I didn't answer. It wasn't until November when I had a really SERIOUS wake up call, that I finally took them seriously and started thinking "Wait! Maybe these are all connected and something is trying to show me something important" These wake up calls shook me to the core, made me re-evaluate what I've been doing and forced me to make some changes. 

My wake up calls this year, listed in no particular order:

"I'm disappointed in you"

Heart rate of 28 

Realization that my fairytale is NOT what I wanted

People not understanding what my family means to me

Being stood up/ghosted in dating

Hitting a deer 

"I honestly didn't think you would actually leave"

I entered 2023 so hopeful and so ready for good things to happen after a weird 2022. While good things did happen, other things happened too that in hindsight, were pivotal.  These wake up calls on their own were BIG things; when you group them all together, you realize, they were all trying to tell you something.

I think for me, my biggest wake up call was last month, when I was in the hospital and my heart rate dropped to 28 beats per minute. Normally my heart rate is on average between 75-85, to have my heart rate drop to 28 due to Sepsis was eye opening. 

After I started feeling better, I started thinking about life and what has transpired over the past year or so and the above wake up calls kept coming to the forefront of my mind and I started to connect the dots, maybe I need to change somethings in my life. My life wasn't terrible but these seemingly small, unconnected things that happened made me think and when I grouped them all together, I knew something had to change. 

Going forward, I am making small changes to my life and I am hoping for the best. I am so thankful for these wake up calls and getting myself back on track. Who knows where I would be if these things never happened. 

Having a wake up call can be eye opening (pun intended) and I am thankful for these wake up calls. While I am looking forward to 2024, I am going to promise myself to be more vigilant when random things happen, perhaps they are not so random and someone is trying to get my attention.  

Have you ever had seemingly random things happen and then you realize "Oh, these things ARE connected?" 

[[Big change come from hundreds of tiny steps and they all matter]]

Savoring my Season

I have been taking a lot of time lately to really listen to what I am thinking, feeling, acting and enjoying. I have been trying to savor each moment in my life that makes me happy and feel alive. After the crazy two years I've had, I am enjoying each and every moment - whether its a simple family dinner filled with stories and giggles; its a crazy day filled with appointments and lots of things on my to do list; or its a quiet moment at yoga in the mornings- I am thanking god each and every good day. I feel like my season in life currently is directly correlated to what I am doing- Living my life as if everyday day is a miracle.

I try to  live each day as if it is the very best day. Eric told me the other day, that his parents said I am always happy to just be there, and I think that is true- No matter what I am doing in during the day, I am genuinely happy to be there and to be able to do whatever it is I am there for. I remember my days in the hospital over the summer and I couldn't wait to get back to my real life. I think I have a sense of gratitude, for being able to be healthy (as healthy as I can be) and able to do what I want to on a daily basis. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, I am enjoying everything I can get out of life.

I have been really focusing on what inspires me. This quote has been floating around  for a while and  I finally feel like I am listening to it. 

I feel as if certain things are falling into place and it feel wonderful. Yoga, writing and relationships are the forerunners that I am letting myself be drawn to. These things have been making me very happy and content; It's funny that sometimes the smallest things in your life, end up being really big things.

My yoga practice has become more consistent and I feel myself understanding the method of yoga more and more each time I practice it. I feel myself being more conscious of my breathing and posture but also I feel stronger- mentally and physically. I can feel myself getting strong when we are doing new poses and I can accomplish them easier. Whether it involves balancing in the bird of paradise; holding myself up in a high plank or twisting myself in a new way, I can do these more easier and I feel more confident doing them. I never thought that yoga would be something  that I look forward to each and every week.

Looking back on my yoga journey, I have accomplished poses that I thought I would never be able to and it is an amazing feeling being able to accomplish those poses. Yoga has a way of making you more aware of the little things in your life- your breathe, your thoughts and even your posture. Little changes can add up to really big important things.

Writing for me, has always been a love/hate relationship. When I was younger, I hated to write; I wasn't good at it and it was very hard for me to express what I wanted to say and get the thoughts from my mind to the paper. Over the years, thankfully, writing has become a lot easier. When I originally started this blog,  I wanted something to distract me from a bad breakup. It ended up being a creative outlet for me to express whats on my mind and I look forward to writing each day. I've come to love this blog and the readers and the support that have come along with it.

I finally put a long term goal of mine, out into the interwebs and it was pretty scary to tell people of this dream. For a long time, I toyed around with it and I didn't really give it much thought and yet for some reason, this year, I said this goal out loud, first to Eric, then to my parents then Dana and some coworkers and anyone about it. I started doing a ton of research trying to figure out if this is something I can really accomplish. This  goal is to write a children's book. (Even as I write it, I giggle to myself, thinking about how crazy it sounds) I have been researching how to actually write a children's book and how legally this is possible. There are so many opinions out there about this and I have been taking it all in. I read that once you have your story line down, you should read it to a group of children- I thought this was a great idea and it hit me that for the first time in my life, I have children in my life. Between co-workers that have kids and cousins, my life has the perfect audience for this right now. Sometimes things fall into place and you don't realize it until the perfect moment when you actually need it.

Relationships have always been a favorite part in my life. Each and every relationship in my life have all a specific purpose in my life. Sometimes the purpose is clear and you know it right away; sometimes the purpose is revealed over time. First, my family give me the support and love that I need to succeed in life. My family has always been by my side for all my fun, scary, exciting, sad and joyful moments. We laugh, we cry and we share our gratitude for this life we are given.  I thank God for them each and everyday.  Next, my friends and co-workers give me a sounding board and advice about life, love and everything in between. My friends and I are not always in contact but when I need them, they are there for me. Its a nice feeling to have those type of friends. Last but not least, my boyfriend gives me support, laughter and joy for the small things in life. One time I read, that once you stop looking for something, it will find you.We both have goofy sides (maybe I'm a bit more goofy than he is ), big hearts and a love for just enjoying life. Its nice when you find someone who compliments your life perfectly.

These relationships all have been strengthen over the years and its interesting that the relationships sometimes change- for better and worse. I have relied on these relationships to get me through some rough patches in my life. I am happy that I have these special people in my life.

I am very excited to see where this season in my life takes me. A lot of things happening in the background that I am curious to see how they play out and I am striving for grace not perfection in my life. Life is messy, fun, exciting, sad, goofy, scary, boring and everything in between and I cannot wait to see what happens next.

Gobble Gobble

I cannot believe its already Thanksgiving. This year has brought me a lot to be thankful for. The ups, the downs and everything in between has made me who I am today and I am very grateful and thankful for that. I was looking at my “On this day” section on Facebook the other day and 4 years ago I posted this:

I fell like this rings especially true each year but even more so this year. I think in this season of my life, I am very grateful for everything in my life and thankful for everything that has happened. 

These are some of the things I am thankful for: 

 

I am so thankful for what I have gone through because it has shown me that I am stronger than I think, I am braver than I seem and I can accomplish more than I can even imagine.

I am thankful for my parents who are my rocks- my support, my friends, my teachers, the go to people for any problem big or small, complicated or easy, messy or organized. They are always there for me no matter what.

I am thankful for my health and being able to actually enjoy the holidays this year. Last year, I was in no condition to celebrate or even care that it was the holiday season. I am so excited to actually take part in all the festivities for the holiday season.

I am thankful for my career, my coworkers and all the hands on experience I have obtained over the years. My career has immersed me in a lot of different parts of the courts system and I truly enjoy each and every part of it. Some days are crazy, some days are slow- I will take what comes each day and smile.

I am thankful for my basic necessities because lets face it- not everyone is privileged enough to have food, running water, a roof over their heads. It’s terrible to think that in 2015, there is so much poverty all around and especially in your own town. Take time this Thanksgiving to donate your time, extra food or money to local families that are not as fortunate.

My parents and I always write down what we are grateful for each day after dinner (You can see the post about that HERE) We kept the gratitude going all year long and I think its really special to see the jar fill up throughout the month.

 
How do you show gratitude and thankfulness all year round?