Rescuers searching the pile at Ground Zero. My father is the one in the center with the orange mask on.
From the book, In the Line of Duty.
I wrote this 5 years ago for the 10th anniversary of September 11th. I was 13 when this happened and it has had such an impact on my life. My father, a captain in a North Jersey Fire Department, was one of the first responders that evening; he was part of the search and rescue teams deployed to Ground Zero. I am proud of him and all the other first responders but also sad for all the lives lost that day. In remembrance of the day, here is something that I still rings true today:
They Save Us. Who Saves Them?
Every Wednesday, I try to watch Rescue Me. If you haven't see it, its a show (fictitious) about the FDNY and their day to day lives working as firefighters. Now this show has been on tv for 7 seasons and I have tried to watch them all and sometimes, it was hard to watch the episodes due to the raw content, and not because there were scenes of death and bad injury but even more because my father is a firefighter. He has been a firefighter, Captain, Battalion Chief my whole life. He loves what he does but he rarely tells what exactly he does. Yes he would come home from his 24 hour shift, saying the funny stories from the previous shift and if he went on a run for careless cooking or someones cat was stuck in a tree but he never really told me, maybe he told my mom, the real stuff he did- running into the building first to search for survivors or other things that he didn't want to worry me with. The point is, I never really knew what he really did.
I never fully understood what the job of a firefighter was until Rescue Me came out. This show is raw, and unforgiving and gave me an insight of what firefighters actually do. Maybe its dramatized for tv or blown out of proportion but it gave me something to see and say, oh that's what my dad does for a living.
When I was little, I remember when my dad came home, my mom and my dad would sit in the kitchen, drinking their coffee and talking about the past shift. As I got older, I sat with them sans coffee and listened. He usually gave me the watered down version and when I got bored listening to every (boring) detail about his day, I left and then he would give my mom the real story- what really happened at 432 Smith Street or who had to go to the hospital after receiving attention at the ReHab tent at that 4 alarm last night. I got smarter and decided to listen sometimes to the stories from the hallway. Not until a couple of years ago, when I was away at college, I really started to realize the danger firefighters put themselves into.
The point of all this rambling- Last nights episode really hit me hard. Rescue Me is having their series finale on September 7th and fitting its right before the 10th Anniversary of September 11. The Chief spoke about how heroes aren't remember by making walls and monuments (which I think is a good way of remembering heroes) but they are remembered by speaking about them, telling their stories of heroism and why they left such a lasting impression on you. The Chief spoke about the Vietnam War and how he received a letter from the wife of one his men that served under him. Then the Chief spoke about what those firefighters were thinking on the morning of September 11 right before they rushed downtown to do what they were trained to do-save the public. What were those brave and fearless firefighters thinking, writing letters to their loved ones that in the back of their minds they knew they would never see again?
Today is September 11th, and I still think what were those people thinking when they were calling their loved ones to say their last goodbye? Did they get a chance to say goodbye? What was going through their minds? Watching the documentaries and other tv programs about September 11th is like reliving that day over and over again. The huge question that looms over everyone's head is “Where were you on September 11, 2001?” Everyone remember exactly where they were, who they were with and what they saw.
I was in Ms. Stankovich’s 8th Grade Science Class. I was sitting at the lab table in between Jacob Stueber and Erin Stewart. It was right after gym class for me and someone ran into the class room and told Ms. Stankovich to put the tv on, something had happened. As she turned the TV on, we saw flames and smoke pouring out of one of the World Trade Towers. I didn't believe it, I didn't understand it then the whole class witnessed something that looked to be out of a horror movie- We saw the second plane fly right into the other Tower. I was 13 at the time and at that moment my world closed in and I remember thinking what is next?! Erin Stewart saw I was upset and said to me" why are you so worried? We are so far away from there, nothing will happen.“ I knew something would happen but I hoped it didn't.
When I arrived home later that day, I didn't see my dad’s car in the usual spot in the drive way. My worst fear came true. My father, a Fire Captain, was in Northern NJ waiting to be deployed to help with the rescue detail at Ground Zero. My mom didn't even have to say it, I knew he was in North Jersey. I think I talked to him later that night; I was trying to be brave and strong but inside I was so worried. I don’t remember exactly how long my father was gone for but I do remember him coming home. He looked like a ghost, still covered in grey dust, with a look on his face that was like no other I had ever seen. He didn't talk about what he did nor did he want to. I was happy to have him home, safe and sound.
Not till years later, has the effect of September 11th really hit me. The internet has let me have my hands on thousands of videos, personal stories, official reports and millions of photos. The photos most of them are burned into my memory because I saw them live, and uncut. Still they all bring tears to my eyes looking at them. One of the hardest hitting images that I cannot seem to fully understand is a video clip (recently I saw it in 102 minutes that changed America) that you see the smoke from the collapse of one of the towers and you see a fire truck, filled with firefighters speeding into the unknown and you see them disappear into the dust and smoke and you know that they were probably never seen again.
After watching a documentary entitled "9/11”, it gave me a chilling look into the lives of firefighters who were practically the first responders to the scene. They filmed when the first tower fell and what happened afterwards and it was unconcievable that these firefighters were still living. It was an inspiring look into the lives of firefighter and how they are trained to do exactly what they did on September 11th- rescue people.That is what firefighters do. That is their lively hood.
America is resilient, strong and proud. We got through this and we can get through anything else
This September 11th, I think of all the brave firefighters and police officers who lost their lives doing what they were trained to do, all the office workers going to work never knowing what was ahead and for all the families who lost a love one that day. We are strong and resilient as a country. We will #neverforget
God Bless.
God Bless.
