For this week's Friday Favorites, I am linking up with Erika and Andrea AND I am doing something a little different today. At the end of each month, I write a love letter to that month and reflect on the past 30 days. There are so many times we fly through life without really thinking about it; I love to look back and see the good and the bad of the month.
We need to have a little chat. You need to shut the snow machine off. We get it, the furry rodent saw his shadow and he called for 6 more weeks of winter but couldn't we have done like a mild winter. I did love looking at the snow looking all pristine right after it fell but it caused so much destruction in the South and even us Northerners are fed up with it. This year is starting to follow suit of 2020 and I hate to say its a mess. Please and Thank You! Moving on...
If I’m being honest, I really disliked this month. Usually I LOVE February but this year, I felt like was one of the hardest months I’ve had since the beginning of the pandemic. I struggled and fought through this month. I took breaks from social media on the weekends because I felt overwhelmed by it. Social media has been in this weird lately. I feel like influencers have been odd lately; I know they have a job to do but sometimes they post things that I feel is thoughtless and they clearly are not reading the room to see what is really happening in the world right now.
There was one influencer that really pushed me over the edge and this was even after weekends of limited social media. There is a pregnant blogger who’ve I’ve been following for years and she posted a story just the other day that made me REALLY upset. I know she was expressing how she was having bad morning sickness in her first trimester BUT it hit me really hard. I was angry and upset due to my own not feeling like myself but the difference between her sickness and my sickness is that hers will end; mine will not.
“I was kind of convinced I’d never feel like myself again”
I started thinking “ what about the people with chronic illnesses that can never feel like their old selves again? They have mourned or are mourning their past selves. What about the people struggling? What about me? When can I feel better again? Why can't I feel better ALL the time not just sometimes? How many other people saw thing and were having a bad flare day and thought to themselves, I wish I could feel like myself again.
I got to the point of tears and I know that it wasn’t her intention to make me feel that way but seeing that on a bad day of mine wasn’t good. Having a chronic illness sucks and its no secret that you have good days and bad days. I try to remain optimistic on my bad days because I know they don't last (that long) but I didn’t choose to become sick nor do I wish this on anyone, sometimes things hit you harder some days.
Another thing that made this month hard for me was some symptoms of my chronic illness- Crohn's Disease reared it’s ugly head. Now these symptoms started last month but they were here and there. This month they were much more consistent and it made me sad. I have gone almost 2 years without major symptoms and for them to come back EXACTLY how they were previous to my surgery really made me upset. As I am writing this, today’s weird symptom was brain fog. It’s been the worst, I’ve ever experienced. I literally forgot words today and had to change sentences to avoid the word I couldn’t think of.
As I mentioned in my What’s Up Wednesday post, next week I am going for a colonoscopy. It’s about my TENTH one and I don’t know whether to make a joke about it (is this one free because it’s #10) or I should be sad because I’m 33 and I’ve had ten of these already along with many other types of tests. I think I flip between joking about and being sad about it. With COVID restrictions, this will also be the first time, my parents will not be allowed in the hospital to wait with me. That makes me sad. I will have Penelope the flamingo (the doctor even asked me if she was going to be there!) but its not the same.
One exciting thing happened this month:
My office (at work) is just about done! We have been doing a COVID remodel to make it easier to be socially distance between employees and customers since the fall. My office is the last phase of it and I am so HAPPY!
The transformation has been unbelievable. I started out with an office with two desks, green over head cabinets, sponge painted grey wallpaper and an ancient air conditioner unit. over the past 15 months, I have transformed it into a modern looking space that is cohesive and makes me really happy. I said good bye to the wallpaper (which wasn't that bad), the ancient air conditioner unit and hello to one solid color on all 4 walls, a brand new air conditioner unit and clutter free area. I am so excited to move back into my office.
I have loved sitting at my temporary desk due to the people watching and the company but I am ready to get back. I am hoping today I can move back in!
February, I am glad to see you go. You did have some bright spots but for the most part you were a mess. Lets make a clean break and leave this behind us.
March, I am ready for you, please be good!
Love, gabrielle
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whew. well that wasn't a typical love letter was it?! I try to be as real and truthful (#reallife) as I can be on here because I know I am not the only one having a hard time. Being honest about how I am actually feeling can be hard for me- I'm stubborn- but I know it will help me in the end by getting it off my chest.
I am looking towards March with hope and joy in my heart and lots of prayers it will be better.
Did you see my posts this week? WGJ vol. 14 and What's Up Wednesday
[[Courage doesn't always roar, sometimes its a little whisper that says "We'll try again tomorrow"]]
