**This is an unfinished draft from 12 years ago and even though it doesn't show me in the best light, I feel like to keep things real around here, I should share this. I remember this day vividly and looking back on it, it wasn't as big of a deal as I made it out to be. I did not have the control over my emotions as I do now. I am so happy I these old posts to look back on because the advice I give myself, is what i still need to hear now, a decade later. This was a few months before my health took a nose dive. **
I've had about 5 meltdowns(?) I don't know if that is the word, AH yes breakdowns at least today. I have been so emotional lately. I cried a bunch of times today because I was either frustrated or really sad.
Sitting here, I guess I realized
1. I HATE when plans change especially since I was looking forward to them all week. ( I know it wasn't your fault technically but I get flustered when plans change and/or don't work out)
2. I cant take a whole week off. Thank goodness I only took random days off here and there for the rest of the summer. I need to work. My type A personality needs a schedule, rules, routine and uniformity.
3. I am a jealous person. Its a side of me that I am not proud of but Its the truth. I am a very jealous person. I loathe admitting that but its the truth. When someone has something/does something/is something that I want/I want to do/is I am envious of them. I was to always have the best and the newest but my paycheck doesn't always allow for that. I need to stop comparing my life to others.
4. I have no friends that I can call up randomly and say lets go out tonight. Actually my friends are spread all over and I rarely get to see them. is this weird? Does anyone else have this problem?
5. I need to get motivated- I have no motivation whatsoever to do anything to keep myself fit. I try to eat healthy but going to the gym- no go. I know I can work out anywhere but I need to get my ASS into shape (well back into shape. Im pretty sure, Ive gained like 5lbs from last year. I know that isn't a lot but I see it in my stomach which doesn't make me happy.
Somedays, I get down on myself. I know I shouldn't do that. I have a great life- I have my health, family, TWO jobs, savings account, a car, and other possessions. There are a whole lot of people around the world who don't have these things, I need to be more thankful. I need to focus on what I do have and where I am going in my life.
6. I need
